Peace, doubt, and a lesson

I am constantly amazed at the ways of our Heavenly Father. In the last 36 hours I have experienced the highs of peace and the lows of fear. From confidence and peace to questioning and fear. Wondering if what I thought was His plan for me was real or just an outworking of my own selfish desires. Was He leading me in this direction? Was I fooling myself? Where was the peace I had struggled so hard to hold onto? Was it the dark hand of Providence or was it because of my sin?  Tears fell as I tried to understand. I didn’t want to believe that He would lead me one way and then jerk me in the opposite direction. Attempting to figure out the mind of God gave me a headache and I was no closer to an answer. Why did He seem so far away?

Then He gently reminded me that His ways were higher than mine. He knew about my struggle before time even began. Rather than question Him I turned my thoughts to His grace and mercy.  When I thought of tossing in the towel, He gently reminded me again that He was right here with me. I would be lying if I said accepting His will was easy. After many more tears and pleadings for understanding, I accepted the fact that for now it wasn’t mine to know. And with that acceptance came a peace even sweeter than before. His peace is truly beyond our understanding.

Sometimes it seems that in order to reach an acceptance of His will, I must first drink of the depths of despair. Yet through it all He is there with me. Why is my faith so small that I cannot be content with just Him and no explanation? I believe, Lord help my unbelief!

Some thoughts on mission fields

What is a mission field? Is it a place we go to? Or does it come to us? Can anyone go, or must they be sent? Are there specific qualifications? Is there special training necessary? There are times when the mission field seems so far away and almost an abstract thought. But I was reminded again this week that even if we don’t go to another country, sometimes the mission field will come to you. Remembering that there are people all around who have never heard the Gospel isn’t always that easy. Staying insulated in our little world of people we know is so tempting . Yet we have been commanded to go out and preach the Word. Oh that we would not be remiss in obedience to our wonderful Master!

3 good book sites

So if any of you out there are looking for some good Reformed books I have a couple of sites to suggest.

This site has only a few books on it, but they are good and helpful. All are by the same author.

Monergism has a wide variety and fairly competitive prices. They are from a variety of publishers and authors. They also run specials on a moderately regular basis. I have been able to purchase several books from them.

Banner of Truth has several good books. I have a copy of The Valley of Vision and it is an excellent little book. Very powerful and thought-provoking.

God’s mysterious ways

My sister is working at an inner-city church in Canada. Her job is mainly as a secretary and childrens worker.  This week they are hosting a VBS, and it is going fantastically well. Here is an exerpt from her latest e-mail:

“Had a good day at VBS again. And – most exciting of all – is what God is doing in Afzalur. His Mum, Fazilatun (Rita) came to ESL a few times. They live in the townhouses next to the church. Afzalur is 6 years old but reads very well, and he is very smart. I think he’s learned all our “sentences” (ie, memory verses). He really likes to read – if you leave anything lying around that has words on it – he starts to read it! Today we told the kids that since we have been talking so much about the Bible, we are going to give them each a Bible tomorrow – if they don’t have one and if it’s ok with their parents. Afzalur really wants his Bible! He asked me after about it. And when we were almost finished for today he asked me again – I told him to come tomorrow and we will give it to him.  I am soooo happy! Especially because I know he will at least begin to read it. His family is Muslim – from Bangladesh I think. (Interesting note, we have a Christian family at church who are also from Bangladesh – they just got their permanent residency here – we prayed lots for that because they would suffer lots of persecution if they had to go back to Bangladesh.) Afzalur’s Mum is one of the Muslims who doesn’t mind their kids coming to a church program because of the misconception that “it’s all about God, whether they hear it at the mosque or at the church” – because there are some of the same stories in the Qur’an and the Bible. Of course, they are not necessarily counting on the fact that we believe some very different things about God – most notably that Jesus is God! Which fact I got to “hammer home” today in the story about Paul – Paul didn’t like the people saying Jesus was God, but then God made him see that it was true.  Plus it was made clear in the story on Wed – Jesus stopped a storm, and only God could do that. {How good of God to send a huge thunderstorm on Tues. afternoon, so that I could ask the kids on Wed. morning: “If you had gone outside yesterday, and said Peace, stop raining! would it have stopped? No, because you’re not God….”} I don’t think we had any new registrations today, but most of the same kids came – we had 41. One more day to go, plus the closing program on Sunday afternoon – it’s all good – and so great to see God working – and also good to see Him motivating the people in the church to do some sort of weekly program for these kids after VBS!”

Isn’t it amazing how God is using the local church? I couldn’t keep this to myself, it is too exciting. Oh that we would be willing to be used by Him.

Contemplations

Have you ever wondered what God is doing in your life? I mean, have you ever wondered the “why” behind the “what” that He’s doing? There are some things that I have seen and been a part of that I never would have done in my wildest imaginings.  I’ve been leading the discussion in a Bible study on the campus of a state run university. I never thought that I would be one of the leaders of something so fascinating. To have the opportunity to be a light on a campus that seems to have no place for God. To live in a country where such a thing is possible is both a blessing and a serious responsiblilty. If God has deemed me worthy to be called one of His own through the work of His Son, who am I to pass off such a blessing as light? I have a great responsibilty to use my freedom and proclaim Him and His work. There should be nothing holding me back from taking what He has given me and passing it on to others. I am really enjoying the fellowship with the other students and am excited to learn, and hopefully grow, with them.

The other thing that I have been part of that I never imagained is that I have been able to have indepth conversations about life with two people that I cared for when they were younger. It has been wonderful to see how they have grown and developed aspeople. But more amazing than that has been the way that they heave grown into wonderful servants of God. Talking with them is such a blessing as they try to understand more of God and what He wants them to be and do. Sometimes the conversations are silly, but often they are serious and deal with real life issues and how we as His children are supposed to serve Him.

I’ve been reminded in the last few weeks of just how much He has done for me. To have so much and to do so little for Him is shameful. He gave it all for me and I am reluctant to give even part of myself and my time back to Him. Oh for a heart that longs to see Him glorified and His Kingdom expanded!

musings

This post doesn’t really have anything to do with it being the end of another year. I’ve been thinking a lot lately, and in this case that’s a good thing. I’m beginning to realize just how much I try to get ahead of what God has planned for me. There are times when I can’t seem to see the forest for the trees. When what He wants me to do is right in front of me. I want things to be my way and when I say they should happen. And when things don’t work out my way, I think it’s not fair and that everyone else has everything they want. I know that’s not true, but knowing it in my head, doesn’t mean I know it in my heart. The most frustrating thing is that I try to blame others for my “problems” when the problems aren’t even really problems. Just me being impatient with my Father’s perfect timing. I base my success or failure on the standard of others instead of the standard of Christ and His word. Instead of praying for strength, I complain that it’s too hard to do the right thing and it’s not fair. Maybe I’ll grow enough in the coming year to be less selfish and more like my Redeemer who gave everything for me.

VBS Part II

Here is the report that we sent after the closing program of the VBS. It was so amazing to watch the way that God worked all week long. Without further ado:

“Well, it’s been a good week and it’s hard to believe that the closing program is over and we are back at the house in our PJ’s. While there have been challenges, God has been gracious and merciful to His children. We have been given wisdom when needed, and strength for every day. All of us have been able to work well together, and there haven’t been any lasting hard feelings among us. There were times when there was a difference of opinion to be sure, but we were able to work through it and God used that time to help us grow. I know for myself, at least, this had been a week full of blessing and times of growth.

The closing program tonight went very well. The children behaved, and they were able to sing the songs that they had been practicing. They said some memory verses and the older class did a short theatrical reading about Paul’s conversion. The Gospel was plainly presented in the singing, verses, and in the short message that Phil gave. (He wasn’t so sure that he’d do well since it was his first time, but the Lord really used him.) There were 20 kids there tonight, and while some of them were siblings, most of them brought at least one parent. Many of children are not from churched families, and may even be from different religions. There was a “pot-bless” meal afterward, and there was plenty of food to go around. All of the families brought at least one dish, and it was so exciting to see and taste all of the different kinds of food. There were kids there this week from Guyana, the Philippines, and Jamaica, just to name a few. It was so amazing to watch as these children grew and improved in just a few short days. We were able to give out an award for the most improved behavior in each class, and the boys who received them had improved immensely. You almost wouldn’t recognize them if you saw them on Monday and then again today.

After such an amazing week, all we can do is sit back and praise God for what He has done. Today was the first day that I had to use the First Aid kit, and it was to put a band-aid on one of the boys who got a rug-burn on his knee during the last game. Today was the only day that the children couldn’t play outside, and they had a blast with the indoor games.

As an ending, we praise and thank God for all that He has done this week. Thank you all so much for your prayers for us. Whithout them, it would have been a much different week.

In His service and for His glory,”